Disloyal.
A word that never came to mind when I thought of you.

Betrayal.
An event that I did not think you would bring us to.

Alone.
A feeling I never thought I would feel when I am with you.

Distrust.
A situation that I could never even picture with you.

But this is what it has come to.
Your inability to see my hurt and your lack of empathy to wear my shoes:
It has broken us. In pieces.
From one to two.

Every time I sit next to you or talk to you, I try to find the past you I met–the you that I wholeheartedly and blindly fell into.

My eyes hallucinate your image of the past, an image I want to hold onto so I can stop myself from falling apart.

But the present you makes me question.

My unapologetic adoration for you seems to be in vain.
Now I think that all you do is just to cause me pain. So much fucking pain.
More and more, you wrench my heart and squeeze all the love and joy out of me.
When you leave me dry, leave me like an old cloth that has served its time, you dared to tell me that you wanted to see me smile. To see me happy.

The silent tears I shed when you are gone. My loud sobs that come out when I know that the room is empty.
Do you even know how hard I try to bury this feeling inside of me?
Do not make it harder with your expectation.
I already have a lot baggage in my hands without you adding on more.

I will never speak these thoughts out loud. It is a secret between me and the pen.
But instead, I will draw a line. Between you and me.
And also the sisterhood that we swore by.

The bridge that had connected our two lives has started to wither. I am leaving before it completely falls apart.
But never will I attempt to mend it.
I will watch the ropes break and the wooden plank fall–the bond of our friendship collapsing with each wave of the wind.

The bond that I had framed and placed in the museum of my heart has a huge red cross.
It is a reminder to myself.
To never get close, and to never let anyone get closer.

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